dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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