Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
