i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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