I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
