When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
