I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
