Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
