I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
