We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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