I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
