ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
