i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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