Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
