The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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