I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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