i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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