allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
