Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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