this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
