she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
