White coat. Heels.
This is not my ceiling
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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