my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
