Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
vagina is talking i cant
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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