We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
