He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
