I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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