I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You are a genius and a whore.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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