My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
