i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
