he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
