Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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