my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
its liver damage thursday
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
