I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
