i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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