ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
