I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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