You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
