Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
