I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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