remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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