all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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