By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
