im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
