my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
