my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
