My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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