No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I AM VODKA MAN
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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