You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
