..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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