PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
