Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
